www.gaymonogamy.org is a website dedicated to the belief that two men can enter into a loving, life long relationship. They claim that gay men can form happy and productive unions that should have the same rights as marriage. www.gaymonogamy.org takes monogamy one step further by proclaiming that “monogamy most literally means to marry only once.” They claim gay men are not in monogamous relationship because there is no legal incentive for them to be. Therefore they claim, if there is gay marriage there would be more monogamy.

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Even Presidents and Prime Ministers cannot be trusted to keep their dicks from cheating……remember Bill and Monica or JFK and Marilyn. Royals cannot be trusted either…Charles and Camilla....Diana and her lovers. Monogamy is clearly out in Hollywood…Brad and Jen…Tom and Nicole….If there is such little monogamy out there…why do we keep expecting it from our partners? Are open relationships the key to a long term relationships? Almost ten percent of men and eight percent of women in relationships admit to affairs according to the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society’s Sex in Australia Survey. A 2004 survey in The Advocate claims that around 26% of gay couples polled labeled their relationships as open or non-monogamous. So who is right? What type of relationship works for gay men?

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There are degrees of monogamy and non-monogamy. Some couples are sexually exclusive and others set ground rules. Some play together and others have sex individually outside of the relationships. The rules could be that they only have sex outside of the relationship when they are overseas or they only play in saunas. It seems that the movement toward civil unions and gay marriage is having an impact on gay monogamy. The same survey in The Advocate revealed that couples that had a civil union or commitment ceremony were more likely to be monogamous than couples which had no public commitment of their union.

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Couples in an open relationship say they have realistic sexual needs and desires but can only have an emotional connection to one couple. My friends Carl and Jonathan have been together for ten years. They have a very open relationship that involves them having sex outside of the relationship. Sometimes they pick up a third person and play together. Other times, they go out together and each picks up a different guy. Carl says that he loves Jonathan but has sexual needs and desires that Jonathan cannot satisfy. Both say that having an open relationship is the key to a long lasting relationship. Rats are not only dirty but non monogamous...that is why at night they come out to screw and play around. The pitfall of an open relationship is that your partner or you may fall in love with someone else. There are all kinds of emotions and pressures on couples around the issues of sexual and emotional intimacy. Open relationships also need to negotiate safe sex. Do I believe that gay men can be monogamous? Some can …….I am not sure if I can. I like my variety and have not had a truly monogamous relationship to date. But that could change. I think that most relationships start monogamous but with time they open up. That has been my experience. I do think it is an individual choice which all couples, gay or straight, must decide. I do not think that open relationships are any less loving or committed ones than monogamous. What do you think?

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People who are in monogamous relationships often claim that there is an amazing emotional intimacy in the knowledge that your sexuality is shared only with your partner. My friend Todd and Will have a monogamous relationship. Todd tells me sex is the not what keeps them together but it is the emotional connection that they feel for each other. Neither wanted an open relationship. They have been together for almost two years and have a happy and health relationship. They are my model relationship! The downside to monogamy is that the sex can get a bit boring and routine. Monogamous couples have to keep the fire going by being creative….using a bit of fantasy and maybe some sex toys. Monogamy happens in the animal kingdom too… around 90% of all bird species are monogamous.

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